Observations of the Past Weeks (5/2/14)

The Observations of the Past Weeks from Twitter and occasionally Facebook have returned once again. Yes, I see you shifting your eyes and laughing nervously, trying to play it cool.

I was going to roll down the truck window, but there was a big spider outside of it. So I just enjoyed some solar heating instead. (Die, spider, die!)

Dear Autocorrect, why do you change “food” to “good” when I am definitely talking about food? (Not that food isn’t good, of course.)

So today is one of those days where I shouldn’t speak to people by name unless they like being called the wrong name. (Maybe I should just start calling everyone Fred, regardless of what their names actually are.)

The rain held off, and it was a perfect night to cut grass. But I didn’t. (And I wasn’t sorry about it, either.)

The sun comes out, the sun goes in. The sun comes out, the sun goes in. The sun is fickle today. (No jokes about the sun being a woman. Because I don’t want that kind of trouble.)

First one in the office restroom in the morning means I get to turn on the light for the day. What an honor! (And no, I didn’t tweet that from the restroom.)

Fire extinguisher service guy: “Hey bud, y’all have a fire extinguisher in here?” I’m guessing he’s from here in the south. (Deep south, actually, because Bubba is more northern south.)

Maybe I just lack vision, but a movie based on It’s A Small World just doesn’t sound interesting at all. (I don’t mind the ride, but I still haven’t figured out the story behind it.)

Apparently, our cat doesn’t like to eat in the laundry room when the dryer is running. I guess it sounds too much like the vacuum cleaner. (Cats and their crazy phobias, next time on Donohue.)

Jaylin’s classmate: “Those songs from Mary Poppins are so 1900’s.” (And apparently, so am I.)

It doesn’t help when you make a note to remind you of something and then you can’t remember what it was supposed to remind you. (What were we talking about?)

M&Ms - the mid-morning snack of champions. (I’m not sure champions of what, though.)

Happy World Penguin Day. As opposed to Extra-Terrestrial Penguin Day, I guess. (E.T. Penguin, phone home. It’s a cold call.)

Thank you, Walmart cashier, for putting my 18 items in 13 bags. The environment loves you, too. (And I think if she could have found a way to put my 18 items in 20 bags, she probably would have done that.)

When they issue a flash flood watch over 24 hours in advance, does that mean we should go ark shopping? And where’s the nearest Arks R Us? (Probably in ARKansas. Haha. I make myself laugh.)

Rats! The hard rain got here before I had a chance to run out and throw some soap on my car to get a free car wash. (Does that really work? I’m going to have to try it some day.)

We watched Man of Steel over the weekend. Way too unbelievable for me. Give me Captain America any day. (Why do all of these superhero movies have to be so destructive these days?)

Just watched (with my camera) a fox run through the front yard. And no, I don’t know what he said. (And no, I still haven’t heard that song all the way through.)

Tonight I saw my first lightning bug of the year, which means that summer is just around the corner. (Keep reading for cooler temperatures. Summer isn’t here quite yet.)

How does my iPhone battery go from 12% to 0% in a matter of seconds? (Maybe it is racing other iPhones to see who can discharge the fastest?)

It’s a great day to grind up asphalt. Apparently. Judging from the sounds coming from outside. Where are my headphones? (I would much rather have an organ grinder instead of an asphalt grinder outside my window.)

Because everyone else is tweeting the Star Wars cast link, I feel like I should, too. But I won’t, because everyone else already has. (But hey, if you haven’t heard it yet, it is still news. But I still didn’t tweet the link.)

To my geometry teacher: geometry was easy for me. Teaching it to Jaylin isn’t. (Which probably explains why I didn’t choose teaching as a profession.)

It never fails that a photo that I think is just okay turns out to be more popular than the ones I really like. (And in other news, I really don’t know anything about anything.)

I just realized that 25 years ago today, Laura and I (and several others) were on a high school band trip at Walt Disney World. Time flies. (Where it flies to, I have no idea.)

Today is May 1, and it is 44 degrees outside. That seems a little strange. (Come on, summer!)

So apparently there is some big basketball thing going on in our town. And something about a royal couple visit. I’m out of touch. (Blah blah Grizzlies blah blah royals blah blah whatever.)

That’s it for today. Check back soon for more!