I Am Not Most

I need a new hat for grass cutting. While I am out in the sun, I like to have a hat to protect my head and face from the ravaging sun. A wide-brimmed straw hat provides some shade, and it usually is vented enough to allow a bit of a breeze to flow through. If there happens to be a breeze blowing, which so often there isn’t.

I don’t want to pay a lot of money for anything, because the hatband will soon end up with a nice mixture of sweat and sunscreen. Why pay a lot of money for something you are just going to sweat in?

Recently, we were at our local farm store, and they had a selection of straw hats, so I thought I would look to see if I could find anything I liked. Several of them just weren’t right for me. I guess I want a certain look, even if the only people who usually see me when I am cutting grass are my own family members.

Eventually, I found one that I somewhat liked, so I picked it up and put it on my head.

It immediately went down to my ears.

And if you didn’t know, ears aren’t made to hold up hats. At least mine aren’t. They have enough to do with holding up my glasses. In cooperation with my nose, of course.

I turned the hat over to see what size was on the tag, so that I could try to find a smaller size. And right there on the tag, it said, “OSFM.” Which translated in to regular English means “One Size Fits Most.”

So apparently, I am not “Most,” because the one size doesn’t fit me.

I think the tag really should say, “We are too lazy (or too cheap) to try to make sizes to fit everyone, so we just made this one size, hoping it will fit you. Because it is more cost effective to lose a few sales than to try to make different sizes.”

Needless to say, they didn’t get my money. Because I am not “Most.”

So now, I like to tell myself that I am just above average.